Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

You know sometimes…just sometimes these phrases we used as kids are just so apt!
I mean liar liar pants on fire… is sometimes true frustration release!
Yes I have been recently confronted by more lies than usual from somebody who’s pants are on fire!!
You know those irritating clan of people…the ones who look you in the fface…with an annoyingly unwavering stare while lying so blatantly that you begin to wonder how much they question your intelligence!
And all u want to say to them is…

Cut the crap!

You know the types…

Me: Did you eat my chocolates?
Fire Pants: No
Me: Are you sure?
Fire Pants: Yes
Me: Then why are you holding on to the wrappers?
Fire Pants: I’m not.
Me: They’re right there in your right hand’s palm..that is now clenched..and sweaty!
Sweaty Fire Pants: Oh…oh that…this is just garbage…I was clearing the garbage.
Me: But the dustbin’s full.
Sweaty Fire Pants: Which is why the wrappers are in my hand see…no space in the bin.
Me: Are you MAD? Or do you think I am MAD! I know you ate my chocolates and now get your left hand off the last 2 boxes of After Eight and shut the refrigerator door now!!!

That’s when you’re 8yrs old and your brother’s a pain in the ass chocolate thief!

Today’s no different…but different circumstances…at work

Me: Why did you steal my work? That article is published with my quotes and your name? How?
Pinocchio Pants: Uh…no there’s been a mistake. The publishing house must have messed it up!
Me: Then how come I just saw you mail them saying “thank you, the article looks perfect!”
Pinocchio Nose Job Needed: Well that’s just coz it did look so perfect don’t you think…the layout…the pictures…no spelling mistakes…you know!
Me: Well what about omission and fact checking?? Unnecessary is it? Didn’t I work really hard for that…and now no credit??!! Oh and u….didn’t work at all…now I remember!
Pinocchio Center of Gravity Shifted: Of course I did. I did all the work by myself. That’s all my text in what’s printed. You had nothing to do with it! I deserve all the credit!
Me: I think you're losing balance…
Pinocchio Pants: (WHAM) ouch…ouch …ouch…I landed straight on my face…I lost my balance…my nose hurts….aaaaaaaaaarrrghhhhh and my pants are on fire….why are u laughing??????
Me: hahahahahaha!!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Swiss Army Knives n Sweet Escapes!

You know I’ve been wondering about the status of Switzerland…you know on wars…the whole...”we ‘re neutral”…”we make chocolates n cheese, not war”!
Well of course you don’t!! You can’t do much with a swiss army knife now can you??!! I mean that thing’s not even a half decent weapon!! So what were they expecting…to actually scare people off with the little forceps…n the ever so cleverly hidden toothpick??! Ooh…n if I’m not careful now, they might just get me with the teensey-weensey excuse for a pair of scissors! Not to miss how the airlines security still manages to put them away like they’re the most life threatening device conceived by man! And for that matter any other unsuspecting/innocent piece of ‘weaponry’ I carry in my handbag!
Yeah, you can’t miss the expression on the security lady when she pulls that little tweezer out of my bag…n breaks the better part of my nail cutter right off!! She looks she’s going straight for airline security wall of fame!
But the Swiss…aaahh you gotta hand it to them…after all they came up with the Swiss chocolates n the Swatches.
Although the Swatch watch that I own might be a real attempt at Swiss weaponry manufacturing…coz every time I try to take that time piece off my wrist it’s iron strap lock attempts to rip my right fingernail right out of its socket!

Oh but the chocolates…they’re my reason for living….remember childhood…running around with the sole purpose of “get chocolate”! I mean if you make a’s coz he or she has chocolate. Lot’s of it n the crazy bloke’s ready to share it with you! (some kids are so dumb…”Yeah my Uncle’s come down from Switzerland…he lost his army knife at security check but he’s got the chocolates…I’ll share them with you!”) If I got up every morning it was with the sole promise of chocolate and then I was upgraded from Cadburys to Swiss…n life has never been the same. In fact I like to think of chocolate as life’s ‘sweet escape’!! (certainly was for the Swiss anybody messes with them n they get them hooked on chocolate…”u want any more of that stuff n u better be behaving ur self now isn’t it!!”)